A twin pregnancy is significantly more likely to result in bed rest for the mother. After all, mom is carrying two babies and will not only be uncomfortably large as the pregnancy progresses, but is at higher risk for other pregnancy complications.

My wife wasn’t on strict bed rest but she had to stay off her feet for several hours everyday.

The key to helping your wife survive bed rest during your twin pregnancy is to identify everything she does during the day and find a substitute.

Child Care

As a stay at home mom, my wife’s primary responsibility during the day was to care for our two preschool boys. To help alleviate the toll of child care, we called in helpers every afternoon. We had friends with similar aged kids come over to play with our boys. We paid a baby sitter on some days to play with our sons while my wife rested.

Every day there was a certain block of time scheduled where my wife could rest with her feet up and either I or a friend would help watch our other children.

Food Preparation

We stocked our freezer with ready-to-cook meals (many received from a freezer meal baby shower). This helped reduce time in the kitchen and let others besides my wife quickly prepare meals for the family.

Our church group also generously brought us meals.

Cleaning

You’ll need to reset your expectations of a clean house with twins. A bed rest pregnancy helps you face that reality even before your twins are born.

During our twin pregnancy, we had friends come over and help clean, paid some teenagers to clean other times, and even had our other kids step up and help out more.

Transportation

If mom is the taxi in your family, you’ll need a different driver. Consider carpools with others for activities. You may even want to adjust your work schedule if needed so you can pick up kids or run the errands that your wife used to do.

Work

Working while pregnant with twins is an extra challenge on top of caring for home and family. If your work is more flexible than your wife’s job, adjust your schedule to help fill in the gaps discussed above. Encourage your wife to seek alternative work options that allow her to stay off her feet.

Eventually the time will come to leave work to finish the pregnancy and deliver the babies. Remember that under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA in the United States), both the mother and father can use up to 12 weeks of leave for prenatal and post-pregnancy care. Your company will likely have specific policies on how that time is allocated (vacation vs. sick time or time without pay).

Make Your List

Make your list of everything your wife does during the day around the house, at work, or in the community.

Review the list and decide what can be cut. Yes, a twin pregnancy will require that some activities are dropped until a post-delivery time. With each item, ask, “Does this absolutely have to happen each day?” and “What is the worse that can happen if this doesn’t happen?”

Take what is left on the list and write the names of people that can help with those items. It may be you, it may be a neighbor, friend, family member, or help from your church group.

Take Action

Remember that when people say, “If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know,” that is your chance to enlist helpers. These people will be invaluable to you as you deal with bed rest during a twin pregnancy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and commit people to specific things they can do to help you.

If you make your list as outlined above, you’ll know exactly where these well-wishers can pick up some slack and help out.

You want your twins to continue growing in the safety of mommy’s womb for as long as possible. Do everything you can to let your wife rest and you’ll significantly increase your odds of avoiding premature twins or time in the NICU.

About 25% of identical twins are mirror image twins.

Mirror image twins often have hair cowlicks or swirls that go in opposite directions.

Your twins may also have physical features that make them look like they are looking in the mirror when they face each other.

A pair of mirror image twins will also often have one twin that is right-handed while the other is left-handed.

Apparently, mirror image twins occur when a single fertilized egg splits later than normal (more than a week after conception).

Do you have mirror image twins?

Sometimes when you are burdened with the responsibilities of your twins and your mind is foggy, you may start to feel like you are going crazy.

There is an easy way for some self-therapy.

You need to write.

Don’t worry, you don’t need to start a blog and publish your thoughts publicly if you don’t want to.

When I talk about writing, I mean a personal journal.

From the moment you find out you are having twins, you should start writing.

Your entries don’t have to be long. If you are used to updating your status on Facebook or sending a tweet on Twitter, writing a few lines in a journal shouldn’t be too bad.

What can you write about?

Anything that comes to mind. For example:

• things you are grateful for today
• ways someone else blessed your life today
• how you feel about your twins
• something funny your twins said
• something funny your twins did
• describe how your other kids interact with your twins
• your goals for the future with your kids
• what you worry about
• what made you smile today
• a breakthrough you enjoyed today, be it at home or work

Think of your journal as your personal therapist.

As you record little memories and thoughts from each day, you gain a better perspective of the good things that are actually happening. This will help pull you out of the daily rut you may find yourself in with twins.

As time goes on, you’ll be able to look back at your journal and see details and remember things that you would have otherwise forgotten. Pictures and videos are great, but they don’t always capture your thoughts, feelings, and memories like a journal can.

Start writing today. Just put down a sentence or a few words if that is all the time you have.

Your future you will thank you.

Your twins will one day read their daddy’s journal and thank you too.

If you decide to formula-feed your baby twins instead of breastfeeding, the costs can add up quickly.

Formula is not cheap and you’ll need to try different brands and “flavors” to see what works best with your babies.

The good news is that you don’t have to buy every ounce of formula your babies drink. Here are some free and discounted resources:

Hospital

The hospital where your twins are born has an almost infinite supply of formula. They even had the premixed, liquid versions which are super easy: just pop on a nipple and feed the baby.

Before you leave the hospital ask for extra samples and stock up. If you’ve been nice to your nurses during your stay, they will most likely help you out here. It doesn’t hurt that you’ve got twins and they will feel sympathetic to your situation.

Pediatrician

You’ll be visiting the pediatrician frequently in the first few weeks and months after your twins’ birth.

Ask your pediatrician for samples every time you visit.

Ask your pediatrician for a form to fill out and mail in to the formula company where they will send you a free case of formula. This is one of the perks of having twins. The formula companies want to send you samples because once you’re hooked, they know you’ll be buying double the formula.

Manufacturer

Most formula manufacturers have programs where you can sign up for coupons. Take advantage of this. Sure, they will market to you but it is worth the cost savings.

You’ll also see discounted formula at wholesale clubs like Costco (a twin dad’s best friend) where the manufacturers offer larger sizes at cheaper prices than other grocery or retail stores.

Friends

Odds are you’ve got friends who have babies. These could be coworkers, neighbors, or friends from church. Ask all of your friends who have babies and nurse exclusively if you can have their free samples. Remember they get all the same sample opportunities you got (at the hospital and pediatrican) but since they are breastfeeding, they don’t need them.

Get Used to the Expense

While the options above will help you save money on formula, you’ll still need to buy some and spend money. Don’t get your hopes up that once your babies are past the formula phase that you’ll all of a sudden have extra money left over.

You’ll need that money to put into your grocery budget to help feed your growing little ones!

As my wife outlined in the previous post about what your wife may feel before and during a C-section with twins, the story continues now with what happens right after your twins are born.

My wife continues in her own words (with my “Dad’s View” comments thrown in)…

Sewing Mommy Back Up

At this point with both boy #2 and the twin girls, I encouraged Joe to go with the babies. He really didn’t need to be around for me to get stitched up, and by going with the babies, he could keep taking pictures and video that I could look at later instead of both of us missing those first minutes.

Back in the OR, it took another 10-15 minutes for them to stitch me up. (It’s a lot of lying there just looking at the ceiling while you process a lot of emotion! But hang in there. You’ll see your babies again soon!) With the girls’ delivery, I asked the doctor ahead of time if they would show me the placenta before they threw it away. That was cool for me. The placenta was a lot bigger than I imagined and it was cool to see those two little umbilical cords coming out of it.

Dad’s View – Since I went out of the operating room with our girls I missed all of this. The next time I saw my wife she was wheeled into recovery and covered in a mountain of blankets.

Right After C-Section

After getting stitched up, I was wheeled to recovery for observation for about an hour. Then it was back to my room and I was able to get acquainted with my babies. After probably another hour, the feeling started coming back to my legs and I could wiggle my toes again. I had an IV and a catheter for the first 24 hours post-surgery.

Moving Around

The best advice I received was from my nurse with C-section #2. She told me my recovery would be quickest if I started moving around as soon as I could. I vaguely remembered being encouraged to move with my first surgery, and I didn’t. I just laid in bed unless I had to go to the bathroom. As a result, it took me nearly a month before I could walk like a normal person again without being all hunched over. So I took the advice with #2 and even though I was hooked up to the IV and cath, I would try to stand up with help every hour or two and take a few steps around my bed. As soon as the cath was out, I would walk around the room (with assistance for the first day) and to the bathroom and by day two or three, I was moving like a pro. So seriously, if you go the C-section route, move as much and as often as you can. I also did with the girls and had a great recovery with them.

Dad’s View: – Since surgery patients are at a high risk of falling, I made sure to be near so I could help my wife move around or go to the bathroom. This also helped her get in and out of bed more easily than if she had been alone.

Drug Side Effects

Some of the side effects of the drugs that go along with the spinal (that I experienced, anyway) are shaking, nausea, and itching. Once the delivery was over, they were able to give me something to help stop the shaking and the nausea. But I had insane itching for 24-48 hours after delivery that you just have to wait out until the meds are out of your system.

With the shaking, it was more like extreme shivering. Granted, the OR is C-O-L-D, so I wasn’t sure how much of the shaking was due to that, or if I was more nervous than I realized and the shaking was due to nerves. But when it still hadn’t stopped after delivery, I asked about it and they were able to give me something that stopped it pretty quickly.

Dad’s View – It was disturbing to see my wife shaking violently right after a major surgery. Fortunately, the medical staff got that under control quickly. The initial recovery room is where I really got to see my girls and study them for the first time (the operating room was so rushed) and help them meet their mom.

Recovery

Other than having to hold a pillow on my stomach to brace it if I needed to cough, sneeze, or laugh for the first few days, it was not a bad recovery considering a C-section is a major surgery.

Pain Management

Try to stay ahead of your pain, as that will aid in your recovery. If you start to hurt, you’ve waited too long to ask for meds. And it may seem unlikely, but by the time your prescription for Percocet has been used up, you will be able to manage your pain with ibuprofen. I know it’s hard to compare to other women, but I think that even with a C-section, I have had an easier recovery than some friends who tore during a vaginal delivery and had to do the stitches, too.

Dad’s View – When my wife stayed ahead of the pain by taking the pain pills slightly ahead of schedule, everything went pretty smoothly. One of our first nights in the hospital post twin C-section, our nurse was giving my wife a lower than expected dosage because we apparently didn’t ask for more. My wife was in quite a bit of pain and very miserable. So don’t be afraid to ask! If your wife can’t, you do it! I kept a log of when she needed to take her medicine and that helped keep us on track even when we were sleep deprived.

Incision

You will be bandaged from hip to hip and when they take the bandage off, it will look like you were cut from hip to hip, too. But you really weren’t. Imagine blowing up a balloon and drawing a smiley face on it. When you deflate it, the smile gets a lot smaller. Same principle with your belly. By the time your body bounces back from the pregnancy, you will have about a 4″ long scar right along your lower abdomen.

Bottom Line

I made it to 36 weeks and 3 days with our twin girls. We felt very lucky and very blessed that our girls were healthy and didn’t run into any problems. But there are lots of twin parents out there who have the NICU as some part of their hospital experience. Your twin delivery may very well be different from ours.

So bottom line here? Make sure you move around (sitting, standing, walking) as soon as you can after surgery and after that, as much as you can. And ask your doctor for clarification on the details if you really feel like you need to know play-by-play what is going to happen, since it may not happen for you exactly like it did for me.

My wife has ended up having a C-section with all three of our deliveries (four kids). Twins are more likely than not to come via C-section so it is in your best interest to be ready.

As a dad, you will experience a C-section from the outside. Nevertheless, you need to be there to support, encourage, and help. I asked my wife to share her side of the story so that you, as a dad, can know what to expect and what your wife will be going through before, during, and after a C-section.

I’ve put “dad’s view” comments mixed in with my wife’s story to also give you some perspective of what I saw and experienced as the dad of twins delivered via C-section.

In my wife’s own words…

C-Section Preparations

If you are brave enough to venture down the “What if” of the C-section path, a good place to start is to ask your doctor about the specifics of what to expect, since procedures undoubtedly vary from hospital to hospital and even doctor to doctor within the same hospital. Some of what I experienced may hold true across the board; some may not. I share my experience to help you get a sense of what to expect.

After filling out a lot of paperwork and signing an awful lot of papers, Joe and I walked down to the Operating Room (OR). I kissed Joe and followed the nurse into the room, leaving him in the hall to wait. My nurse helped me up onto the operating table so I was sitting on it.

The anesthesiologist numbed the skin on my back prior to administering a spinal block, so it just felt like a little pinch. I didn’t feel the needle going in. The spinal takes effect immediately. I had time to swing my legs up onto the operating table before they started to go numb, and within minutes I was numb from my toes to my ribs. My body felt heavy and warm and it was kind of funny to try to move and not have anything happen. I could feel some pressure, like when you take your hand and press it on your arm, when the nurses were disinfecting my stomach to prep for surgery.

Dad’s View – I missed all of this. I was outside the operating room, dressed up in a “bunny suit” (covering my clothes and hair) waiting for the nurse to come get me and let me in. Time passed very slowly and about the time I started to think they forgot me, the nurse came out and ushered me into the operating room.

Twin Delivery

What Mom Sees

When they were actually ready to get going, they let Joe come into the OR. They put a curtain up at my chest so I couldn’t see anything that was going on. It was wide enough and high enough that Joe could just see over it standing. After our first C-section, I realized I hated not being able to see anything, so at the 2nd and 3rd ones, I made sure to request that they lower the curtain when the baby/babies were coming out. This enabled me to see the baby as they lifted him/her from my belly but I couldn’t see my belly.

Dad’s View – By the time I was ushered into the room, the medical staff was already busy at work cutting open my wife. Our doctor actually wanted me to sit down (and thus not see anything) until closer to the actual delivery. I spent this time talking to my wife in a surreal setting where everything was covered up except her head. Her arms were stretched out to the sides and the anesthesiologist was sitting/standing with us. The whole time, I hoped the doctor would let me stand up in time to see the delivery.

Capture the Moment

I also made sure Joe was manning the camera (video and stills). He was able to video the three births of our kids and I actually love watching that footage. It’s not gross–very cool, actually. I thought that I would be cut open from hip to hip and they would just lift the babies out, but the incision is only big enough for the baby’s head to pass through. I remember being amazed at how much of a “mini birth canal” experience it still was.

Dad’s View – Watching the doctor pull our babies out of my wife was amazing. I was surprised how much the doctor had to pull, push, yank, and twist to get one of our daughters out.

What Mom Feels

You really won’t feel any of it. You may feel some pressure and you may sense your body being rocked back and forth as they ease the babies out, but other than that, nothing. Since you won’t feel anything, you may want to ask your doctor or your husband to narrate the events for you so you know where you are in the process and what is going on. Otherwise, you just get to lay there, wait, and wonder, and the whole experience will be over before you know it.

Dad’s View – As I stood up next to my wife and peered over the curtain, I narrated what was happening to my wife while balancing the camera and trying to remember to take pictures and video. I’m not sure how much I actually said to my wife but I did get the video!

Baby’s First Moments

After the babies were out (two minutes apart), they took them over to the warmer to wipe them down and do their APGAR test. Once they got them bundled up, they brought them over for me to see. I could touch them with one hand and kiss their little cheeks when the nurses held them close to my face. Unfortunately, at this point, you’re not really in a position where you can hold your babies. Then it was off to the nursery for them.

Dad’s View – I was mentally torn between watching my first-born daughter get cleaned up and then rushing back to the operating table to see my other daughter be born. I also wanted to tell my wife how our first girl was doing. My head was swirling but I somehow managed to see the first, tell my wife, and not miss the second’s birth.

Read part 2 where we share what happens right after the C-section.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

In any given day, the average newborn cries for two to three hours.

When you first get your twins home, it will seem like they are crying all the time.

Why?

Because they are.

When one is quiet, the other may very well be crying. So your perception is that the crying never stops.

You may be tempted to rush to soothe your babies. Take a moment and wait.

If you try to immediately soothe your twins every time they cry, you will wear yourself out and go crazy. It is natural for babies to cry. Don’t expect complete silence in your house with twins.

Initially when your babies cry, you should assess why they are crying.

Over time you will learn to recognize the different types of cries. Babies have their “I’m hungry” cry. Then there is the “I’m sleepy” or “I’m poopy” cry. Or even the “My arm is stuck in the crib slats” cry.

Listen to the cry, see why your baby is crying, then start to recognize the pattern.

You’ll soon find yourself jumping out of your chair and running to the “My arm is stuck” cry versus waiting a few seconds to see if the “I’m tired” cry stops since she is already in bed.

Is your baby crying? Relax. Take a breath and then take action.

It may come as no surprise that twins will typically cost you twice as much as a singleton baby.

Even though I know this (boy, do I know this!), I always feel a pinch of pain when I have to take both girls to the doctor and pay two insurance copays.

You’ll feel this financial pinch, too.

This may be because I’m used to paying a single copay when I go to the doctor or when I take one of my other children to the pediatrician.

But even with twins, a trip to the doctor appears on the surface to be the same as when you take a singleton. You make one appointment for two babies, particularly for well baby checkups. You have a single drive to the office. Everyone waits in the same room.

All these events psychologically set your expectations that this is a single visit to the doctor.

All, of course, until you have to pay twice.

I have asked (it seems like every time) if I get a two-for-one deal on the copay but the office staff never seems to find that funny.

So if double copays are the reality, you just need to be ready.

Well baby checkups follow a set pattern (every three months, then every six months, for example), so you can lay these out on the calendar and budget your money accordingly.

Build in a buffer of savings for the inevitable sicknesses that will come.

We’ve also used a Flex Spending account that my employer offers to help standardize our health expenses and get a tax break in the process.

Remember those double copays. Don’t be surprised or caught off guard, be ready by budgeting and saving for them.

And if you find a pediatrician who will give you a two-for-one on copays, I want their phone number.

This is a guest post from fellow father of twins, Tom Williams.

A common thought among first-time dads of twins is the Neonatal intensive-care unit (NICU). I had no experience with any of this before my twins came.

A Little Background

My twins were due 9/21/09. My wife’s water broke, for reasons still unknown, at 29 weeks and 2 days. I was at work (two hours away) and sped to the hospital, where she had been given her first dose of steroids (to help with lung development) while waiting for an ambulance transport to take her to a hospital with a Level 3 NICU.

We got to the Level 3 hospital, and she was given more doses of steroids and more medications to hold off labor while the steroids were given time to work. Twenty-four hours after they stopped the anti-labor medications, my wife went into labor. I was, once again, at work.

I got to the hospital, found out that she was in labor (she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me doing 90 mph the two hour drive again). A few hours later, we were taken into an operating room so she could get an Emergency C section, as Landon was in the birth canal, but Carden was transverse across my wife’s uterus on the top.

At 10:01 PM on 7/13/09 we met our boys and our world changed. The boys were born and were whisked away by NICU staff to be checked out before my wife even got a chance to see them or hear their cries.

A few minutes later (it seemed like a lifetime) they were wheeled back in so we could touch them, see them, and meet our sons for the first time. We didn’t know it, but we were in for the worst six weeks of our lives.

What you might expect from a NICU

The boys were taken up one floor to the NICU. Around midnight, I was able to go up with my mother-in-law and see them. There were so many wires and tubes. It was one of the scariest sights of my life. I still get flashbacks when I see premature births or NICUs on TV. It’s one of those things you never forget.

The wires and monitors were the scariest. When the boys were first born, they were hooked up to oxygen as a precaution. The monitors watched oxygen level, breath rate and heart rate.

The biggest concerns are apnea (not breathing), desaturation (low blood oxygen level) and bradycardia (low heart rate). Monitors watched all of these things, and set off alarms when the levels went below a pre-set. That sound haunts your NICU visit, as does the monitor.

Once I was able to hold them, after many weeks, I would find myself not looking at my sons, but at the monitor, scared, waiting for something to happen. Fortunately, one of the great NICU nurses reminded me what mattered: to focus on the little person in front of me, and how incredible he was. To focus on all the amazing things that he has done, instead of worrying.

My Advice?

That is what you need to do: Don’t focus on the bad things of your NICU stay. Focus on the good.

Focus on the fact that soon your twins will get to wear clothes. Focus on the fact that soon they will move out of the incubator. Focus on the fact that soon they will come off of the monitor. Focus on the fact that soon they will pass the car seat test. And before you know it, they will come home.

Our NICU Ending

Our boys came home, albeit a week apart. We found dual inguinal hernias on Landon the day before he was scheduled to come home, and he had an apnea after the surgery. Hospital policy was that he had to maintain five days without incident before he could go home. Major setback.

Because of this we encountered something you just might encounter: one twin will probably come home first. You will get used to having one baby home. Then a few days, maybe a week or two later, after you have gotten your schedule set with one baby, the game changes. And you have become a family.

For the first time, after many weeks, you finally feel like a family. You will realize that you have no idea what you are getting into, but you will learn really quickly.

You have no choice when you have twins. You are both worn thin. You will have parents of single babies coming up to you with comments like, “Oh, it must be so tough!!!”

After you have gotten used to things, you will look back and think to yourself that there may be tough moments, but you would never trade your life for theirs. Your twins are something special, and you are something special: a dad of twins.

Your twins won’t always get sick at the same time, but sometimes they do.

This will put extra strain on your family and household.

Our girls were both recently sick at the same time.

In summary, it felt like we had reverted to newborn twins again. They needed constant care and were up multiple times during the night.

After your twins are old enough and start sleeping through the night, you get spoiled. When an interruption comes along, it will be especially difficult to handle middle-of-the-night awakenings.

During the initial newborn phase, you’ll get used to the pattern of round-the-clock care and hopefully have worked out a system with your wife to care for the twins during the night.

Remember those lessons and put them to use when your twins are sick later.

When your twins are sick, before you go to bed at night, have a huddle with your wife and make a plan of what will happen during the overnight hours.

Who is on duty?

Perhaps you will split the shift with your wife. “Honey, if the girls wake up between now and 2 a.m., I’ll take care of them. You go from 2 a.m. until the morning.”

This sets expectations with your wife and puts a little reminder in your subconscious that will alert you to get out of bed when you hear cries instead of just ignoring them.

Preparations Within Reach

Lay out the supplies you’ll need for late night baby care before you go to sleep. Put the thermometer, Tylenol, tissues, water bottle, etc. all where you’ll be able to easily locate them.

Remember, you’ll wake up groggy and won’t be able to think straight. Make it easy for yourself.

Keep a Log

Just like you need to keep a log with your newborn twins, you need to do the same when they are sick. This is particularly true if they are running a fever. You’ll need those temperatures to let the doctor know in the morning if things are getting better or worse.

Put the log and a pen next to your other supplies so that both you and your spouse know what happened while the other was doing the caretaking.

Be the Backup

No matter your plan, the time will come when both your little ones wake up crying and sick in the middle of the night. It will be impossible for one parent to care for both. So go get your spouse or let her wake you up. Regardless of whose “shift” it is during the night, there may be a time when all hands are needed on deck.

This Too Shall Pass

Don’t worry, your twins won’t have that cold or virus forever. A couple of sleepless nights and things should be back to normal.

Set up your plan, communicate it clearly with your spouse, make your preparations and you’ll be able to weather double sick twins like a pro.