The early days with newborn twins are a physical, mental, and emotional challenge. You’d be wise to recruit some friends or family to come and help you during the early months with your twins.

What should you ask them to do? Anything you currently take for granted or where extra hands would make things easier.

1. Watching the Other Kids

Your older children may be neglected when the twins arrive. Set up play dates for your kids with their friends.

2. Taking the Night Shift

The true test of how much your friends and family love you is whether they will take a turn with the babies overnight. Will they help feed the twins, change diapers, and get them back to bed when they wake up during the night?

The beauty of this service is that you can get a full night’s sleep, which is a rare and precious commodity.

3. Babysitting

You can’t stay in your house forever. You’ll need a mental break from the drag of your routine. Invite your friend to come babysit your twins while you go out on a date or even just for a walk around the block.

4. Helping with Doctor’s Visits

Taking your twins to the doctor’s office for well baby checkups is a juggling act. You always need extra helping hands to get babies ready for measuring and examination. Plus you’ll need to soothe them after any shots or uncomfortable examinations.

5. Hold the Babies

Who doesn’t like to hold a little baby? They are so cute! Exactly. Recruit your friends to come over and hold your babies, soothe them, and while they are there they can be called on to help with other tasks.

6. Feed the Babies

Regardless of whether you bottle feed or breast feed your twins, it is hard to feed both by yourself. A helper can bottle feed one baby while you feed the other. A friend can help bring babies to and from Mom for feeding and take care of burping and changing.

Just Ask

Your friends and family are willing to help you with your twins. You just need to ask for help. Reach out to them with specific things they can do and they will respond and come to your aid. If you ask for general “help” you’ll never seem to get what you need.

Picture by SurlyGirl

Shopping for car seats for twins can be a challenge.

Car seats are one of the most important things you need to buy for your babies. In fact, the medical staff won’t let you leave the hospital without car seats for your twins.

Find a Car Seat You Love, Then Buy Two

Unlike strollers, or even baby carriers, there aren’t car seats made specifically for twins. Do your research and find a car seat you like, then buy two. One advantage of buying two of the same car seat is that you can interchange babies or positions in the car without having to remember the nuances of each particular seat.

Different Styles

Even though you may buy the same model car seat for your twins, you can often get different colors, patterns, or styles. This is really personal preference but you might like some variety in the back seat. As your twins get older, they will have an opinion on which seat they like the best. Different styles could lead to them taking turns and sharing – which is always a good thing.

Car Seats for Growing Twins

One challenge of buying car seats for twins is that the babies grow so fast that they may soon outgrow the car seats you buy. The good news is that you can purchase a car seat that will accommodate your twins as they grow. A convertible car seat like the Britax Roundabout will work for your twins for many years.

Check weight limits on the seats. Are they rear facing to accommodate newborn infant twins? Do they recline and then adjust upright to support a child who can sit up?

Our girls started in a pair of Graco infant car seats. After about 6 months, they graduated to a pair of Britax Roundabouts that served them past their third birthday.

If you can’t get by with just one set of car seats for your twins, don’t worry. You can look for a gently used car seat from a sibling or family member. One tip is that you shouldn’t buy a used car seat from an unknown source. Your babies’ safety is the priority when selecting a car seat.

Car Seats and Strollers for Twins

Do you want an all-in-one travel system with car seats and stroller? Or do you want to leave the car seats in the car and move the twins, as needed, to a stroller?

With our newborn twins, we had a pair of infant Graco car seats. These had a base that was anchored in the car and a removable baby carrier that we could transfer to and from the car with ease. We combined these car seats with an inline Baby Trend Double Snap N Go Stroller.

Considering newborns sleep a lot, it was nice to be able to remove the car seat and snap it into the Snap and Go without waking up one of our sleeping girls.

Don’t Forget Twin Discounts on Car Seats

It can get expensive very quickly to buy car seats for twins. Don’t forget to ask for your twin discount. We purchased two car seats at Babies R Us and they gave us the “twin discount” of 10%.

What to Look for in a Car Seats for Twins

The features you want from individual car seats also apply to the car seats for your twins.

Be sure any car seat you buy includes these features:

• Easy to clean – Can you quickly and easily remove the cover to wash it after your baby spits up or has a diaper blowout?
• Consider air travel – If you will be flying with infant twins and want them in their own seat, make sure the car seat is approved for airplane use.
• How heavy is the seat? How will it be to carry two car seats through the airport? Will you be moving your seats around a lot? Car seats can be pretty hefty.
• Five-point harness – You want your babies securely tied into place.
• Do the car seats fit in your car? Measure and test them in your vehicle before the twins are born.
• Latch anchors or seat belts? Most modern cars have a latch system for attaching car seats. Inspect your car and see how you will anchor the car seat. Be sure the car seats for your twins can safely be attached.

My Recommendation

I recommend you start with a pair of small infant carriers like the Graco car seats we used. Combine these with a Snap and Go inline stroller and you’ll be set for 6-8 months.

Once your twins outgrow those you can move to convertible car seats like the Britax Roundabout that served our twins for more than three years.

As a parent of twins, you’ll likely want to purchase twin related products like books, clothes, gifts, etc. for both your twins and yourself.

Here’s a list of several online stores that offer products specifically for twins and parents of twins:

• Just Multiples
• Double Blessings
• Double Up Books
• Trends In Twos
• Twinz Gear
• Just 4 Twins

Do you have a favorite site you’d like to see added to this list? Please let me know.

Don’t expect to get lots of sleep with newborn twins in your house.

As you know, sleep deprivation is brutal and will be your reality for several months with newborn twins.

You have to change your expectations and routine to try and maximize the sleep you can get.

Here are some things you can do to improve your sleep:

Forget Normal Schedules

Traditionally you sleep at night and are awake during the day. Throw all “normal” expectations out the window when caring for newborn twins. There is nothing wrong with going to bed right after dinner at 6:30pm. Any time can be sleep time, so don’t say “I can’t go to sleep, it’s only 7:00.”

Yes, you can go to sleep whenever you need!

Sleep in Shifts

Take turns sleeping in shifts with your wife. For example, you can take the midnight to 4am shift and then swap from 4am to 8am. Your twins will have a pattern to their waking and eating. Plan your shifts around those predictable feedings.

Tag Team

During night time feedings, both you and your wife can get up to feed the babies. (This works best when bottle feeding.) When you work as a team, you can feed two babies in the time it takes to feed one. Everyone then gets back to sleep faster.

The disadvantage of this method is that no one sleeps for a longer period than the twin babies sleep. You’ll get more interruptions during the night.

Get Helpers

The best way to get a full night’s sleep is to not have to wake up to care for the babies. Who will take care of the babies then? I don’t recommend pushing all night time feeding responsibilities to your wife just so you can sleep. Instead, invite family or friends to come and help with the twins during the night shift.

With our newborn twins, we had someone staying with us for the first several months. With three adults in the house, we could rotate two people on child care every night. The third person could then sleep through the night. Knowing that I could sleep the whole night every third night was an awesome relief!

Sleep When You Can

If you aren’t caring for the twins, you can take a nap. You have my permission. It can be any time of day (just not while you are driving). After the babies are fed and changed, seriously think about your next activity. Is it more important than some sleep? Choose wisely.

Getting adequate sleep as a parent of newborn twins is a huge challenge. You need sleep to function properly both at home and work. Expect and plan for small stretches of sleep instead of a solid night’s worth of rest.

Take heart that the sleep interruption is only temporary. The good news is that when you awake in the middle of the night, the routine is pretty straight forward: feed baby, burb baby, change baby, go back to bed. You don’t have to think too much and that definitely helps in your sleepy stupor.

Picture by Rob Sharp

One of the first things I thought when we found out we were having twins was: “how am I going to pay for all of this?”

If you haven’t already, you will experience this same concern.

I wish I could tell you the exact amount you’ll spend on your twins. Unfortunately, every twin pregnancy, birth, and household is different. To help you plan without knowing your circumstances, this list will focus on areas where you’ll need to pay.

If you live in the United States, or other countries where you must pay your own medical expenses, the first several categories will apply:

Prenatal Care

A twin pregnancy will result in more trips to the doctor. You’ll have significantly more visits to the obstetrician. Perhaps you’ll be visiting a specialist in multiple birth pregnancies. You’ll get extra ultrasounds as the pregnancy progresses.

All of these doctor visits add up financially. Depending on how your health insurance is structured, you’ll likely have out of pocket expenses all along the way.

Delivery Costs

Baby deliveries aren’t cheap. When you combine two births at once, things get even more expensive. Add in twin delivery via c-section, which is more frequent with twin births, and the costs really start to climb. Expect at least $10,000 in delivery costs for a vaginal birth. Over $30,000 for a c-section.

Infant Care

The aforementioned prices are a minimum. Complications and baby care right after delivery will multiply your medical expenses. If your babies spend any amount of time in the NICU, expect heavy expenses. A family friend’s twins spent nearly two months in the NICU. Expenses from their stay topped half a million dollars.

Durable Goods

Larger one-time expenses for twins include those items that will help your twins for several months.

Budget for cribs, strollers, booster seats, bottles, breast pumps, swings, a rocking chair, nursery room furniture, etc.

Ongoing Expenses

Twins go through diapers at a rapid pace. Plan for diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, baby shampoo/soap, clothing, laundry detergent, etc. Anything that is used every day will be used up more quickly.

Feeding

If you will be feeding your twins formula, try and get some free or discounted formula. Everything associated with feeding also needs to be purchased (bottles, cleaners, storage bags if you’ll be freezing/refrigerating milk, etc.).

Older Twin Expenses

As your twins get older, their expenses mature and start to mimic those of a singleton child, just multiplied by two.

In the long term, think about paying your twins allowance, saving for college, and paying for future weddings.

During the early months of twins, these future events and expenses aren’t a concern. You are too occupied with day-to-day survival.

Twins Aren’t Cheap … But They Are Worth It

If you summed up all the expenses you’ll have with your twins, it might be depressing. Just remember, we don’t have kids because they are cheap.

Having twins is an amazing experience and one that will bless your life for years to come. Plan and budget the best you can and then hold on for a wild adventure!

Picture by GoonSquadSarah

How can grandparents help with the twins and effectively support their children in this new adventure?

Once your parents find out that you are having twins, they will want to help. Depending on your parents’ style, that may be forceful help or more subtle in their offers to help you.

Naturally, you’ll need to adapt how you apply these principles to your family situation to involve the grandparents when your twins arrive.

Set Expectations

The grandparents want to help you. They just don’t know how to do that. Perhaps they’ve had grandkids before but twins may be a completely new challenge for them.

Have frank and open conversations with your parents and ask how they would like to help and discuss what help you need.

Consider the following areas:

Supplies

Twins require a lot of baby supplies. Diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, blankets, cribs, car seats, etc. Having twins is a financial burden. If the grandparents are financially able, ask them to help stock your home ahead of the babies’ arrival. My wife and I were blessed to have our parents help pay for many of our twin girls’ major purchases like cribs and car seats. This required that we talked with both sets of grandparents and coordinated who was purchasing what items.

Child Care

Grandparents can play a critical role in child care with twins.

Newborns

The early days of twins will be a physically demanding time. An extra set of helping hands will greatly ease the burden on the parents. Invite your grandparents to come over and help care for the babies. Ask if they can stay the night and take turns caring for the babies while you sleep. Balance the grandparent’s physical capabilities and limits with what you ask them to do.

Other Children

If you have other children in your family, they will need special attention when the twins are born. Grandparents are great candidates to help take care of your older children. Often, with grandparents, there is already a relationship of trust with your kids and it is easier to leave your kids with them. The grandparents make great candidates for taking care of your other kids while you are in the hospital for the twins’ birth.

My mother-in-law came and stayed with our boys while my wife and the girls were in the hospital. This was a great help to us and a similar arrangement might work in your family too.

Support

Grandparents need to support their kids in whatever decisions they make as new parents of twins. Parenting twins often requires unorthodox methods that might be foreign to grandparents. Just because they did it one way, doesn’t mean you have to do it that way.

Space

Grandparents are attracted to newborn grandkids like a magnet to metal. This can lead to problems with too much grandparent time. In our case, we were grateful for the helping hands. At the same time, you may want some space to establish your family routine. Just clearly explain your desires to the grandparents.

Grandparents can be a great resource in helping with your twins. Be sure to talk with them and see what involvement they can and are willing to do.

Picture by AIBakker

Having twins and surviving the newborn months is one of the hardest things that your marriage will have to endure. Realizing that this is the case, many of you have written to me and asked for advice on how to keep your relationship with your wife strong and ensure you have alone time once the kids are born.

The good news is that once your twins get past the newborn phase, start sleeping through the night, and fall into a more friendly schedule, life does get back to a new normal. In that new normal, you can reestablish dating and alone time with your wife.

During the newborn months is when you have to be creative, patient, and selfless.

Here are some things my wife and I found successful in keeping our relationship strong despite the heavy demands of newborn twins:

Schedule the Babysitter

As soon as your twins start to fall into a predictable pattern of feeding and sleeping, you need to plan a date with your wife. This date may just be an hour away from the house to run an errand or go out to eat. Nevertheless, be sure to schedule this time or it will never happen. Getting a babysitter for your twins isn’t too hard if you do a little prep work.

Help with Feedings

Your wife will appreciate help when it comes time to feed the twins. Use this time to talk with your wife and stay connected emotionally. Middle of the night feedings may not be so conducive to conversation since you’ll likely be sleep walking through the feeding. However, the mere act of you helping with feeding and caring for the twins will strengthen your relationship with your wife and lighten her burden.

Take Advantage of Naps

When the twins are sleeping, you have two options: take a nap or do something else. I typically advise that you take a nap. You’ll likely be sleep deprived and need all the rest you can get. Nevertheless, you may also consider the twins’ nap time as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship with your wife. Even if you are home-bound, spend time together talking, watching a movie (yes, you might fall asleep), doing chores together, etc. When the house is quiet, don’t just run off to your corner to work on your projects. Spend some of that time with your wife.

Realize this is Temporary

The first year with twins is a blur and very challenging. The good news is that it is also temporary. Your kids grow up and many of the challenges of feeding, sleeping, changing, and constant care fade into the past. Talk the situation over with your wife frankly and acknowledge that this is just temporary and that any lack of attention isn’t intended as a personal statement. It is simply a necessary part of this phase of parenthood.

Alone Time

There will be a lack of marital intimacy after the twins are born. In due time, the physical demands of newborn twins will ease up and you can get back in your routine. As with getting out of the house, you’ll likely want to schedule alone time with your wife too or it won’t happen.

Your marriage can and will survive newborn twins. Set clear expectations with each other. Take every opportunty to spend time together. Actively work on your relationship and it will come out stronger than ever.

After your twins are born, when should you bring their siblings to the hospital to meet them? How should you prepare them for meeting the infant twins and seeing Mom in a hospital bed?

When our twin girls were born, our other boys were 3 and 1.5 years old. They knew that baby sisters would soon be joining the family and we were excited to introduce them. Here’s how you can get your other children ready for the introduction:

Setting Expectations

Leading up to the delivery, talk opening and clearly with your children about what is going to happen. Regardless of the age of your other children, they should know that Mommy has two babies inside her. Your children should know that they will soon have two new babies in the family.

Talk about what will happen when the twins are ready to be born. Your other children need to know that you’ll be going to the hospital and that they will likely be cared for by some one else while you are away. That caregiver could be Grandma, a friend, or neighbor, etc. Whomever you choose, the kids need to know that in advance.

Describe (in an age appropriate way) what happens when you go to the hospital. Siblings should at least understand that when the babies are born, the doctor checks the babies to make sure they are healthy. The babies then sleep a lot. Mommy will rest in a bed to recover. Mommy may have tubes (an IV) attached to her and will be very tired.

Tell your kids what a hospital room looks like and what they can expect to see when they come to visit.

When You’re At the Hospital

During labor, delivery, and the initial recovery, you’ll be busy and won’t have time to be with your other children. During that time, make sure that their caregiver knows (ahead of time) to reinforce the expectations you previously set. When the kids ask their caregiver, “where’s Mommy and Daddy?”, he or she should be able to reinforce the hospital story you’ve been telling your kids all along.

When to Bring the Kids for a Hospital Visit

When our twins were born, we took a day in the hospital to recover before bringing the kids over. My wife had gone through a c-section to deliver the twins and needed some time to physically recover.

Since every twin pregnancy and delivery is different, don’t commit to any visitors until the twins are born and you’ve settled down in the hospital. Last minute complications can arise that will squash any firm plans.

If your twins go to the NICU, be sure to reset expectations with their siblings. Your other children need to know that their new twin babies will be hooked up to lots of machines and that they won’t be able to hold or touch them.

Prep the Hospital Room

To younger kids, a hospital room is like a playground. There are so many things to discover and climb on (like the fully adjustable hospital bed) that you’ll need to at least do a first pass at kid proofing the hospital room. Dad, this is your job since your wife will still be recovering physically. Tidy up before your kids arrive to meet their twin siblings or you’ll spend the entire visit trying to keep your kids out of trouble.

Welcome the Siblings

We had purchased some “gifts” ahead of time that would be from our twin girls to their brothers. Your twins will get all of the attention from everyone. This will create an attention gap with your other children that they won’t necessarily like. Before the twins, your child or children were the only show in town. Now that the twins are here, you need to be mindful of making sure your other children still feel loved and appreciated.

Our boys were excited to meet their twins sisters and really excited to get presents from them. It worked well in our case but you should consider your other children’s ages and needs and plan accordingly.

I got the following great question from an expectant father of twins:

“Do I really need all that gear and a double stroller or can I get away with one?”

This question underscores one of the great concerns with having twins: the cost of all the stuff you have to get for your babies.

The good news is that you don’t have to buy double of everything for your twins.

Ask yourself two questions when considering the purchase of baby gear for your twins:

Do I Really Need This?

First, ask yourself: Can the main purpose of this piece of gear be handled manually or with something easily available around the house?

Lots of baby gear is designed to do something that has been done with babies for centuries. Odds are you can get by with a low-tech or manual option to solving a particular problem. Think about how you can keep your babies warm, feed them, or change diapers without buying extra gear.

Seriously consider if you really can’t live without the baby product you are considering. Odds are you can get by with a simpler (and cheaper) solution.

Will This Help With Twins?

Next, ask yourself: Do I need this piece of baby gear (or two) to be able to handle and care for my babies at the same time?

Caring for twins becomes extremely demanding when there is only one caregiver. If you’ll be home alone with the twins, it is OK to have some baby gear that will help ease your ability to care for them.

For example, we had two bouncy seats so we could lay each of our infant girls in them for feeding. This made it extremely easy for one person to simultaneously feed our twins.

A double stroller is something I definitely recommend for twins. The good news is that there are some affordable options that won’t break your bank.

I get lots of questions about how to handle crying twins.

In fact, one of the most popular questions I get is: Will twins cry a lot?

The answer is yes. All newborns cry a lot. That is the only way they have to communicate with you. It is perfectly normal for your twins to cry.

Hungry? Cry.

Tired? Cry.

Wet or messy diaper? Cry.

The challenge with twins is that you have two newborns in the house. So even if they both cry a normal amount for newborns, it feels like they cry a lot or that someone is always crying.

I noticed that often only one twin would be crying at a time. This, of course, is good news because you can then soothe that child without having to worry about the other.

Find Out the Reason for the Crying

Before you can properly sooth your crying twins, find out and fix why they are crying. Is it time to eat? Are they tired? Do they need a diaper change? Are they hot? Cold?

Once you identify and fix the problem and they are still crying, you can move to the soothing stage…

One Powerful Method for Soothing a Crying Baby

One method that worked well for us to soothe our babies was the 5 “S” method discussed in Harvey Karp’s book The Happiest Baby on the Block

Suck

We used a pacifier for our newborns or even a finger to suck on to help soothe their crying. Often, just a pacifier would calm our crying babies.

Swaddle

You’ll notice that the nurses at the hospital always swaddle up your babies in a tight little bundle. Swaddling helps keep your babies comfortable, warm, and under control. When our babies were crying, the first thing I’d always do (after the pacifier) was to swaddle them up. Swaddling helped control the flailing arms and legs that often accompanied crying sessions.

Side / Stomach

Pick up the baby in a football type hold with child’s body supported by your arm and his head resting in your hand. Make sure the baby is resting on his side or stomach.

Shushing

Loudly, but not screaming, make a “shhhhh” sound like when you are telling someone to be quiet. Do so close to your baby. Remember, she just spend several months inside mommy’s tummy and heard the constant woosh-woosh of her mother’s heartbeat (as well as her sibling’s heart beat). It was loud in there! Recreating that ambient noise will relax your baby.

Sway / Swinging

With the child’s head in your hand, you can gently sway the baby back and forth. Again, this is trying to mimic the experience in the womb where the baby was in constant motion as the mother moved about. There is comfort and familiarity in motion for the baby.

When we used the 5 “S” method on our crying babies it magically soothed them at least 90% of the time. Often our babies calmed down after only a few of the “S” steps.

Handling Two Crying Twins at Once

The method for soothing two crying babies at once is the same. The question becomes who gets soothed first.

If you have helpers around (which I highly recommend), each of you can soothe the twins at the same time using the steps above.

If you are home alone, you will have to pick which baby you soothe first. In this case, try swaddling each baby and then picking them both up and proceeding with the shushing and swinging phases as you carry both twins around the house. You will become a pro at carrying both twins at the same time.

Crying Isn’t Personal

Although two crying babies will be nerve racking and frustrating, try your best to stay calm. They aren’t mad at you, so don’t take it personally. Stick to the 5 “S” method and when your babies start to cry fall back into the familiar routine. By having a systematic way to soothe your twins, you’ll do so more quickly and with less stress.