A twin pregnancy is significantly more likely to result in bed rest for the mother. After all, mom is carrying two babies and will not only be uncomfortably large as the pregnancy progresses, but is at higher risk for other pregnancy complications.

My wife wasn’t on strict bed rest but she had to stay off her feet for several hours everyday.

The key to helping your wife survive bed rest during your twin pregnancy is to identify everything she does during the day and find a substitute.

Child Care

As a stay at home mom, my wife’s primary responsibility during the day was to care for our two preschool boys. To help alleviate the toll of child care, we called in helpers every afternoon. We had friends with similar aged kids come over to play with our boys. We paid a baby sitter on some days to play with our sons while my wife rested.

Every day there was a certain block of time scheduled where my wife could rest with her feet up and either I or a friend would help watch our other children.

Food Preparation

We stocked our freezer with ready-to-cook meals (many received from a freezer meal baby shower). This helped reduce time in the kitchen and let others besides my wife quickly prepare meals for the family.

Our church group also generously brought us meals.

Cleaning

You’ll need to reset your expectations of a clean house with twins. A bed rest pregnancy helps you face that reality even before your twins are born.

During our twin pregnancy, we had friends come over and help clean, paid some teenagers to clean other times, and even had our other kids step up and help out more.

Transportation

If mom is the taxi in your family, you’ll need a different driver. Consider carpools with others for activities. You may even want to adjust your work schedule if needed so you can pick up kids or run the errands that your wife used to do.

Work

Working while pregnant with twins is an extra challenge on top of caring for home and family. If your work is more flexible than your wife’s job, adjust your schedule to help fill in the gaps discussed above. Encourage your wife to seek alternative work options that allow her to stay off her feet.

Eventually the time will come to leave work to finish the pregnancy and deliver the babies. Remember that under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA in the United States), both the mother and father can use up to 12 weeks of leave for prenatal and post-pregnancy care. Your company will likely have specific policies on how that time is allocated (vacation vs. sick time or time without pay).

Make Your List

Make your list of everything your wife does during the day around the house, at work, or in the community.

Review the list and decide what can be cut. Yes, a twin pregnancy will require that some activities are dropped until a post-delivery time. With each item, ask, “Does this absolutely have to happen each day?” and “What is the worse that can happen if this doesn’t happen?”

Take what is left on the list and write the names of people that can help with those items. It may be you, it may be a neighbor, friend, family member, or help from your church group.

Take Action

Remember that when people say, “If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know,” that is your chance to enlist helpers. These people will be invaluable to you as you deal with bed rest during a twin pregnancy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and commit people to specific things they can do to help you.

If you make your list as outlined above, you’ll know exactly where these well-wishers can pick up some slack and help out.

You want your twins to continue growing in the safety of mommy’s womb for as long as possible. Do everything you can to let your wife rest and you’ll significantly increase your odds of avoiding premature twins or time in the NICU.

You know that you’ll need a lot of stuff to be ready for twins.

Once your twins arrive, the last thing that you’ll want to do — or have time to do — is go to the store.

The solution?

Stock up on everything.

“Everything” consists of two categories: stuff your twins will use daily and things that the rest of the family will consume.

Things for the Twins

Stockpiling a little bit here and there will be less of a shock for your budget later.

In addition to all the reusable baby gear that you’ll need (strollers, clothing, cribs, etc.), you’ll need to stock supplies that your babies will use (and use up) on a daily basis:

• diapers of all sizes
• baby wipes
• burp cloths
• baby formula
• bottles and nipples
• Desitin or another zinc oxide diaper rash cream
• baby body wash/shampoo

Things for the Household

When you think about the household items you use everyday, you’ll get an idea of the little things that you need to have stocked up for when the twins come:

• toilet paper
• paper towels
• soap
• dish washing detergent
• shampoo
• deodorant
• toothpaste
• laundry detergent
• dryer sheets

These are things you don’t want to worry about for a least a month after the twins arrive.

Stock your freezer. Remember, you can tell your friends you want a freezer meal shower.

If you have a stockpile of supplies by the time you hit the third trimester with your twins, you can relax a little as you enjoy the calm before the storm.

What other essential items would you add to the list to stockpile in your home?

My wife has ended up having a C-section with all three of our deliveries (four kids). Twins are more likely than not to come via C-section so it is in your best interest to be ready.

As a dad, you will experience a C-section from the outside. Nevertheless, you need to be there to support, encourage, and help. I asked my wife to share her side of the story so that you, as a dad, can know what to expect and what your wife will be going through before, during, and after a C-section.

I’ve put “dad’s view” comments mixed in with my wife’s story to also give you some perspective of what I saw and experienced as the dad of twins delivered via C-section.

In my wife’s own words…

C-Section Preparations

If you are brave enough to venture down the “What if” of the C-section path, a good place to start is to ask your doctor about the specifics of what to expect, since procedures undoubtedly vary from hospital to hospital and even doctor to doctor within the same hospital. Some of what I experienced may hold true across the board; some may not. I share my experience to help you get a sense of what to expect.

After filling out a lot of paperwork and signing an awful lot of papers, Joe and I walked down to the Operating Room (OR). I kissed Joe and followed the nurse into the room, leaving him in the hall to wait. My nurse helped me up onto the operating table so I was sitting on it.

The anesthesiologist numbed the skin on my back prior to administering a spinal block, so it just felt like a little pinch. I didn’t feel the needle going in. The spinal takes effect immediately. I had time to swing my legs up onto the operating table before they started to go numb, and within minutes I was numb from my toes to my ribs. My body felt heavy and warm and it was kind of funny to try to move and not have anything happen. I could feel some pressure, like when you take your hand and press it on your arm, when the nurses were disinfecting my stomach to prep for surgery.

Dad’s View – I missed all of this. I was outside the operating room, dressed up in a “bunny suit” (covering my clothes and hair) waiting for the nurse to come get me and let me in. Time passed very slowly and about the time I started to think they forgot me, the nurse came out and ushered me into the operating room.

Twin Delivery

What Mom Sees

When they were actually ready to get going, they let Joe come into the OR. They put a curtain up at my chest so I couldn’t see anything that was going on. It was wide enough and high enough that Joe could just see over it standing. After our first C-section, I realized I hated not being able to see anything, so at the 2nd and 3rd ones, I made sure to request that they lower the curtain when the baby/babies were coming out. This enabled me to see the baby as they lifted him/her from my belly but I couldn’t see my belly.

Dad’s View – By the time I was ushered into the room, the medical staff was already busy at work cutting open my wife. Our doctor actually wanted me to sit down (and thus not see anything) until closer to the actual delivery. I spent this time talking to my wife in a surreal setting where everything was covered up except her head. Her arms were stretched out to the sides and the anesthesiologist was sitting/standing with us. The whole time, I hoped the doctor would let me stand up in time to see the delivery.

Capture the Moment

I also made sure Joe was manning the camera (video and stills). He was able to video the three births of our kids and I actually love watching that footage. It’s not gross–very cool, actually. I thought that I would be cut open from hip to hip and they would just lift the babies out, but the incision is only big enough for the baby’s head to pass through. I remember being amazed at how much of a “mini birth canal” experience it still was.

Dad’s View – Watching the doctor pull our babies out of my wife was amazing. I was surprised how much the doctor had to pull, push, yank, and twist to get one of our daughters out.

What Mom Feels

You really won’t feel any of it. You may feel some pressure and you may sense your body being rocked back and forth as they ease the babies out, but other than that, nothing. Since you won’t feel anything, you may want to ask your doctor or your husband to narrate the events for you so you know where you are in the process and what is going on. Otherwise, you just get to lay there, wait, and wonder, and the whole experience will be over before you know it.

Dad’s View – As I stood up next to my wife and peered over the curtain, I narrated what was happening to my wife while balancing the camera and trying to remember to take pictures and video. I’m not sure how much I actually said to my wife but I did get the video!

Baby’s First Moments

After the babies were out (two minutes apart), they took them over to the warmer to wipe them down and do their APGAR test. Once they got them bundled up, they brought them over for me to see. I could touch them with one hand and kiss their little cheeks when the nurses held them close to my face. Unfortunately, at this point, you’re not really in a position where you can hold your babies. Then it was off to the nursery for them.

Dad’s View – I was mentally torn between watching my first-born daughter get cleaned up and then rushing back to the operating table to see my other daughter be born. I also wanted to tell my wife how our first girl was doing. My head was swirling but I somehow managed to see the first, tell my wife, and not miss the second’s birth.

Read part 2 where we share what happens right after the C-section.

Most baby showers produce cute clothes and maybe some diapers. And if you’re lucky, you’ll have a few people actually shop off your registry. While all of these things are necessary, let’s face it, they don’t directly help you, the twin dad.

Think about your circles of friends. You may get offers for baby showers from coworkers, church, friends, or from your neighbors.

If you have more than one kind soul offer to give you a baby shower, ask that one of them be a Frozen Meal Shower. It may sound a little odd, but it’s very worth it.

Guests can either buy something in the frozen food section of the grocery store and gift it to you, or they can make something homemade and bring it to you to freeze for later.

If adequate storage space in your freezer is a concern, it’s worth addressing in one way or another. Do you have funds and space to buy an extra freezer? If not, do you have a friend or two nearby that could store some freezer meals for you?

This was the biggest lifesaver for us when our twins arrived. It was one of the primary reasons we made it through the first three to four months postpartum. (Not that we had that many meals stored, but every meal lasted our little family 2-3 days!)

The Frozen Meal Shower is a twin dad’s best friend. During the end of twin pregnancy, your wife may very well be on bed rest. A freezer meal is something that even you, dad, can cook.

And once the twins arrive, both you and your wife will be so tired and exhausted you won’t be able to think straight. You need to make sure you are eating well. Skip all the food preparations and throw the frozen meal in the oven or microwave. Problem solved.

You won’t eat well when twins arrive unless you are ready. Stock the freezer now!

Once your friends and family find out you’re having twins, you’ll be bombarded with congratulations and many “If you need any help, please let me know” comments.

As a twin parent, you need help. There isn’t any “if” about it.

Part of your preparations for your baby twins should be arranging as much help as possible before your twins arrive.

Many people will offer to help. Instead of just saying “OK, thanks,” you need to take action.

Go find or buy a magnetic notepad and put it on the fridge.

Whenever anyone says to you, “Let me know if I can help,” tell them, “Just a minute!” and go get the pad.

Write down their name, phone number, and ways they are willing to help.

Housework? Babysitting? Bringing in a meal?

You’ll be able to gauge their sincerity at wanting to help, and you’ll have a fall-back for the times when you desperately need help but can’t remember in your sleep-deprived, frazzled state of mind who said they were available.

If you have friends or family members who are absolutely sincere and insistent on helping, commit them to coming over one night a week to take the night shift and do the feeding so you can sleep a full night. Yes, it’s an act of love. One you’ll undoubtedly be indebted to them for. But one you’ll need and be immensely grateful for. This will also be one of the best gifts you can give your wife, who is not only sleep-deprived, but also recovering from a twin pregnancy and possibly a C-section.

Get ready now. Pin down your friends and family on what specifically they will do to help you.

Once the twin babies arrive, you’ll be glad you’ve got help lined up.

Sometimes twins are not your first children. You need to prepare your older children for the arrival of their twin siblings.

My wife and I had two sons before our twin girls arrived. At the time our twins were born, the boys were 3 and almost 2 years old respectively. I knew that life would be different once the girls were born but I didn’t really understand how that would impact their brothers.

Here are some things that helped us get our older kids ready for and helped them survive the twins’ arrival:

Involve Kids in Preparations

Get your other kids involved with the preparation for and excitement of your twins’ arrival.

We started telling our boys that Mommy was expecting early on in the pregnancy. As soon as we knew the twins were girls, we started to refer to them as sisters to the boys. Towards the end of the pregnancy, we had decided on names and started calling the unborn twins by those names. Our boys knew the names and started referring to the babies by name, too. They completely understood that Mommy was going to have two babies.

Tell Kids What to Expect

We talked a lot with our boys about what would happen when the babies were born. We outlined who would come and take care of them and that Mommy and Daddy would be in the hospital for a few days.

We even did role playing with our boys. We practiced together how to hold a baby doll, how to be gentle with a baby, and taught them what it meant when a baby was crying. We showed them where the diapers and blankets and burp cloths were, and had them practice finding the diapers and bringing them to Mommy when she asked so they’d be ready to help.

Arrange Help

You will need to have plans in place for someone to come and take care of your children. These plans should include short-term and long-term plans.

My wife was on bed rest during the later stages of the pregnancy so we had to bring in help well before delivery. At first, our boys were reluctant to have someone come over. Over time, they warmed up to our friends and got used to having helpers with them and at our house. This was vital in setting the stage for post-delivery.

When your wife goes into labor, you need to have a short list of people you can call who will immediately come over and stay with your current children. It is vital that these people are those your kids know and trust. That means that they should already be interacting with your kids leading up to delivery.

Once the babies arrive, you will need to switch over to longer-term help. You will need someone that can stay with you, and if not that, at least come and help you everyday. This person may very well simply take care of your other children while you and your wife care for the twins. Or alternatively, you can spend one-on-one time with your older children while your helper cares for a baby.

We had individual family members and friends come and stay with us over the course of the first two months after our twins were born. This was one of the best decisions we ever made. It not only helped us survive but allowed our older kids to get some attention as well, both from us and from others.

Be Ready

By keeping your older children as involved as possible during the twin pregnancy, the transition to a suddenly larger family will be that much easier. The younger your older children are, the less likely they will fully understand what is about to happen. Hey, you don’t even fully understand what twins will mean until they arrive. So err on the side of too many preparations and your mind can be put more at ease.

As a proud father, you’ll want to preserve the arrival of your twins for future posterity.

To do so, you need to be prepared with a plan for getting the pictures and video you want.

You need to keep in mind how your twins will arrive, where they will arrive, and what you will be doing during delivery.

How the Twins Arrive

Your twins will arrive in one of two ways: naturally down the path God created or a more direct route courtesy of a Cesarean section procedure.

Either way they arrive, they will come one at a time.

Where the Twins will Arrive

Where you are when the twins are delivered often depends on how they are being delivered. You may be in a birthing room for natural delivery or in an operating room for the c-section.

The “where” may restrict what you can take pictures or video of. Be sure to ask your OB when discussing delivery options early in the pregnancy if you can take pictures and video of the delivery.

Some doctors will be video shy. After all, you could sue them for something they did wrong. Ugh. Fear of lawsuits shouldn’t prevent you from getting your kids’ arrival on video, though. If you have a good rapport with your doctor, take some time to discuss their concerns, your desires, and find out exactly what the hospital policy is. If it’s important enough to you and your doc is adamantly against video and pictures, then you may need to find a new care provider.

Right Equipment

For the birth of our twins, I used a digital camera that also takes video. To the outside observer, it looks like a camera, which your medical staff shouldn’t have trouble with.

The tricky part is that I could switch to video mode and capture my girls’ first moments while the medical staff thought I was taking pictures.

If you walk into the operating room, for example, with a big camcorder, they may not let you use it.

Timing

Time starts to speed up once the first baby is emerging from mommy. You need to be Johnny-on-the-spot and have that camera ready. If you have a digital camera that takes video, you can switch modes and keep rolling. If you have two separate electronics, you may want to duct tape them together as someone suggested to me.

Once your first twin is born, you’ll likely follow her over to where the nurses suck out her nose and mouth, get her cleaned up, and swaddle her in some blankets.

You’ll be so excited that you may forget there is another one coming. Keep an eye and ear on what is happening with the second delivery so you can quickly move back to your wife and have the camera ready for your next child.

I struggled with wanting to see my first newborn, comfort my wife, and watch the second birth all at the same time. Nevertheless, I managed to get video of both births and of their first few moments of life.

Awesome Experience

Watching your twins be delivered is an amazing experience that you will never forget. Plan to be there and be prepared to capture the moment for the future. After all, you wife won’t be taking pictures during delivery, so it is up to you.

When you find out that you are having twins, you will experience a range of emotions.

Be prepared for this array of feelings:

Fear

You’ll experience fear. Fear of what? Fear of the unknown. You realize that having twins will not be easy. You’re not afraid of hard work but you don’t really know what your reality will be like.

One Solution: Fear not, my friend. Many have gone down this road before. We’re here to help.

Poor

You’ll think: “How am I going to afford twins?” Your mind will race ahead to double everything – clothes, bikes, college tuition, weddings, etc.

One Solution: Think “used.” Used clothes, strollers, car seats, toys, etc. are all great to help mute the financial burden of twins.

Cramped

You’ll think: “How am I going to fit all these kids in my current house? Where will they sleep? Where will we put double the baby stuff like strollers, car seats, baby swings, and the like?”

One Solution: Unless you’re in a one bedroom apartment, you don’t have to go buy a new house to accommodate your twins. You can make do with what you have.

Sick

You’ll get sick to your stomach as you try to process all these other emotions and thoughts. You’ll be nervous with a mix of being overwhelmed and stressed.

One Solution: Don’t eat much if you feel sick to your stomach. Stick with liquids so you don’t get dehydrated. Resort to protein bars or shakes to keep your caloric intake up. You also may not get much sleep that first night (or beyond) because your mind is racing, but that is just a preview of life with newborns.

Helpless

Odds are, these are your first twins. They may even be your first kids. You’ll think “What am I suppose to do?”

One Solution: There are plenty of other fathers of twins out there. If we can do it, so can you. You can get help from others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Skeptical

You’ll think: “Really? My wife looks the same. Is she really pregnant with twins?” Your ultrasounds are surreal. Yes, there are two little heartbeats. But it is hard to believe it is real.

One Solution: Pinch yourself. It is real. They don’t fake ultrasounds except in movies and on TV.

Logistically Challenged

“How can I possibly care for two babies at the same time?” Taking care of one baby seems overwhelming enough. “How can I physically hold, cuddle, change, dress, soothe, or feed two at once?”

One Solution: Get helpers. If you are alone with the kids, it is fine to take turns. Change one at a time. Feed one at a time.

Excited

You’re going to be a father of twins. You are in an elite fraternity. That is awesome! If you ever wanted to prove what a great dad you are, this is your chance.

One Solution: Keep the excitement. Think ahead to playing with your twins and don’t be afraid to make plans for the fun times ahead.

What would you add to the list?

If you are reading this, it’s likely because your life has been altered dramatically by the news of twins headed your way.

Once the shock has worn off (and it will probably be weeks to months before that happens), you will find yourself swimming in a sea of information. Some will be self-imposed (internet searching or asking advice of total strangers) and other tidbits of information will be thrust upon you by well-meaning friends, family, and complete and total strangers.

We found a few things that helped us filter out unneeded, unwanted, or unnecessary information as we tried to make sense of our soon-to-be new reality.

1. If you hear the same advice from several people (three or more), listen up!

You will soon have your hands fuller than they have ever been. Don’t reinvent the wheel. If you start to hear recurring themes in the advice you are receiving, they are worth listening to. Make notes and talk about ways to implement the advice with your spouse. You’ll be glad you did.

2. When listening to or taking advice, try to find out how similar the situation is to your own. This truly will help you filter out the inapplicable and help you set reasonable expectations for your experience.

Consider this. A first-time parent of one baby has a huge learning curve. It takes a good, long while to figure everything out. A second-time parent tends to enjoy #2 a little more because they’ve “been there, done that” with the first. And so it goes, with each progressive addition getting a little easier to handle.

Consider this. First-time parents of twins will be doubly overwhelmed. Parents of multiples falling a little farther down the birth order chain don’t face the same challenges with the same intensity.

So if you take advice from someone whose twins were #2 and #3, and yours are #1 and #2, be prepared for some disparity between their advice and your reality.

3. One person’s experience is not necessarily generalizable to your own. For example, my wife talked to several women about breastfeeding twins prior to the birth of our twin girls. After our twins were born and we tried breastfeeding, my wife dealt with a lot of frustration because it wasn’t working like everyone she talked to said it would. Upon reflection, this was due in large part to the fact that the women she talked with had twins as #1 and #2, or #2 and #3, not #3 and #4 like ours were. Having two other young children at home changed the face of breastfeeding for us.

4. Finally, make note of what works for you as you go along. You will inevitably be solicited for advice from others!

When I first learned we were having twins, I was in shock. I stayed in that state of shock for at least several weeks.

This shock was fueled by fears and questions of how I would successfully care for my family.

One of my big concerns was how my new, bigger family would fit into our current home. I spent several days looking for a new house and running numbers through mortgage calculators online.

Did we end up buying a new home? No, and you shouldn’t either.

Why?

If you want to live a long, happy life, don’t make a pregnant woman, especially one pregnant with twins, move her family and house.

Your wife will get extremely large with twins. This means possible bed rest and definite exhaustion. Think for a minute about how she might handle packing up the house, moving to a new location, and getting settled into a new place.

Moving is stressful even without a pregnancy. So don’t do it.

The good news is that you can wait until the babies arrive and reassess the situation.

Amazingly, twins don’t initially take up too much more space than a singleton baby. In fact, you can even consolidate and sleep both twin babies in the same crib for a few months.

Until the twins start getting mobile, you can survive in your current home assuming you have space for one baby. Twins share a bath, changing table, rocking chair, and even a blanket for tummy time on the floor.

Take a deep breath. Stop searching for a new house. You’ll have plenty of new expenses anyway. Why add a bigger mortgage to the list?